What It’s Really Like to Be a Surrogate: The Truth Behind the Myths

Surrogacy is a journey unlike any other. It’s often misunderstood, shrouded in myths and assumptions that can make the idea feel intimidating. Yet, for many women, becoming a surrogate is a profoundly rewarding experience—one that allows them to help others build families while discovering their own capacity for generosity, resilience, and empathy.

For Michelle and Tara, surrogacy has been an opportunity to give life in a meaningful way. Both women have gone through the process multiple times, and their stories shed light on what it truly means to be a surrogate—the challenges, the joys, and everything in between. One of the first myths they encounter is that surrogacy is unsafe or too risky. While all pregnancies carry inherent risks, surrogates undergo extensive medical screenings before being approved. Prior pregnancy and delivery records are reviewed, and IVF clinics evaluate each candidate to ensure that she is medically fit to carry a pregnancy safely. These measures reduce risk and create a foundation of trust between the surrogate and the intended parents.

Michelle, who had previously experienced a smooth pregnancy with her own child, found confidence in her ability to help another family. She describes her pregnancies as largely positive, with minimal complications, manageable exhaustion, and even the chance to indulge in cravings, like mashed potatoes and cheeseburgers, with her intended parents’ support. Tara’s experience was similar, although her surrogate pregnancy included gestational diabetes, which required medical management with insulin—a condition that ultimately disqualified her from future surrogate journeys. Despite this, she reflects on the emotional rewards and the fulfillment of helping a family that desperately wanted a child.

One of the most profound parts of surrogacy is the relationship with the intended parents. Both Michelle and Tara emphasize the trust and communication that make these partnerships successful. Intended parents often defer to the surrogate’s expertise regarding her own body, trusting her decisions about diet, exercise, and medical care. At the same time, small compromises—like eating certain foods, adjusting hair treatments, or following other personal preferences—allow intended parents to feel involved without compromising the surrogate’s autonomy. This balance fosters mutual respect and creates a supportive environment for everyone involved.

Family dynamics are another important aspect of the journey. Many prospective surrogates worry about how their loved ones will react. Michelle involved her young son in the process from the beginning, helping him understand that the baby she was carrying was for another family, not their own. Through video calls and thoughtful explanations, he became familiar with the intended parents and celebrated milestones along the way. Tara took a similar approach with her daughters, using children’s books and storytelling to help them grasp what was happening, allowing them to engage with the pregnancy in a meaningful and age-appropriate way. These experiences highlight that surrogacy can be inclusive, educational, and even joyful for the surrogate’s family.

Not all reactions are positive, however. Both women encountered curiosity and, occasionally, skepticism from friends, coworkers, or extended family members. Some questioned why a surrogate wouldn’t simply adopt a child rather than carry one. Others raised concerns about the surrogate “giving up a baby.” Michelle and Tara point out that such questions often stem from a lack of understanding about surrogacy—specifically that the baby is not genetically theirs, and the process is designed to protect the health and rights of everyone involved. These moments offer opportunities to educate others about the realities of surrogacy and the careful legal, medical, and emotional structures that ensure the journey is safe and respectful.

The delivery process itself is another area where myths can overshadow reality. Many believe that surrogates have no say in how the birth occurs, but both women’s experiences show the opposite. Michelle and Tara had significant involvement in decisions about induction, epidurals, and delivery plans. Their intended parents respected their expertise and deferred to medical recommendations, creating a collaborative environment that prioritized both the surrogate’s and the baby’s well-being. Hospitals and medical staff were aware of the surrogacy arrangement and provided care that balanced support for the surrogate while keeping intended parents included and informed. This attention to detail demonstrates that surrogacy is not about control—it’s about partnership and trust.

🎧 Want to dive deeper? Tune in to our podcast, where we discuss real stories, expert insights, and the heart behind every surrogacy journey.

Contracts and legal agreements are essential tools that further ensure clarity and fairness throughout the journey. Surrogates and intended parents negotiate terms that cover everything from compensation to health precautions, travel restrictions, and postpartum care. For example, Michelle’s contract included provisions for her weaning process if she chose to provide breast milk, while also allowing flexibility with diet and exercise within safe guidelines. These agreements protect everyone involved and create a foundation for open communication, making the experience smoother and more predictable.

Another misconception is that surrogacy is a selfish choice or that surrogates are motivated by money. While compensation is part of the process, Michelle and Tara emphasize that their motivation comes from a desire to help families grow. The emotional rewards—seeing the joy of intended parents, knowing they played a role in someone’s life-changing moment—far outweigh the challenges or physical demands of pregnancy. Surrogacy is a profound act of generosity that celebrates life and human connection.

Same-sex couples and single intended parents often face additional misconceptions. Some people question whether they are “deserving” or capable of being parents. Both women shared experiences working with diverse families, highlighting the importance of focusing on love and commitment rather than societal bias. Surrogacy allows all families, regardless of marital status or sexual orientation, to create the families they dream of while ensuring the process remains safe and supportive for the surrogate.

Ultimately, surrogacy is an inclusive, collaborative, and deeply meaningful journey. Michelle and Tara’s stories show that while surrogates face challenges—like nausea, exhaustion, or family questions—their experiences are overwhelmingly positive, filled with growth, empathy, and unforgettable moments. By sharing these stories, they provide insight for women considering surrogacy, showing that myths about risk, loss of control, and family judgment are often far from the truth.

Surrogacy is about more than carrying a child. It’s about creating connections, supporting others’ dreams, and finding purpose in helping a family grow. It requires trust, communication, and a willingness to navigate challenges with grace and care. For women willing to consider this path, the journey offers not only the reward of helping someone achieve parenthood but also a transformative personal experience that leaves a lasting impact on everyone involved.

Michelle and Tara’s experiences serve as a reminder that surrogacy is safe, rewarding, and profoundly human. It challenges stereotypes, celebrates generosity, and reinforces that women can help create life for others while maintaining autonomy and control over their own bodies. For those who have been hesitant due to fear or misinformation, their stories provide a clear and inspiring perspective: surrogacy is a journey of hope, love, and life-affirming connection.

🎧 Want to dive deeper? Tune in to our podcast, where we discuss real stories, expert insights, and the heart behind every surrogacy journey.